ADHD Support for Couples
When one partner has ADHD, it affects both partners. One partner may feel they're carrying the household and handling every reminder. The other may feel they are always falling short and under scrutiny. Over time, many couples end up acting more like parent and child than partners, and resentment grows on both sides.
If the partner with ADHD is already on medication, you may find that focus has improved while the relationship has not. Old arguments, distrust around follow-through, and the hurt from years of the same conflicts don't go away just because attention gets better. With your permission, I'll coordinate with the prescriber so we're working toward the same goals.
If you're just starting to recognize ADHD in your relationship, whether through a recent diagnosis, a long-held suspicion, or a child's diagnosis that made one of you think about yourself, we will begin with a clear picture before choosing a direction.
How we work together
We begin together. In our first sessions, all three of us meet to learn your history, understand what a typical week looks like, and make sure both of you feel safe enough to be honest.
Both perspectives count. Each of you fills out standardized questionnaires on executive function, along with my own skills inventory: one partner rates themselves and the other describes what they see. Areas of agreement show us what to focus on. Areas of difference often explain why the same arguments keep coming back.
You get a clear explanation of the results. We go through the results together: the strengths, the skills that need work, and the misunderstandings that have built up. For many couples, this is the first time ADHD feels like something they are facing together.
We alternate skills work and couples work. Individual sessions give the partner with ADHD practical tools for planning, following through, managing time and regulating emotions, using a proven CBT approach for adult ADHD. Joint sessions focus on the emotional side: rebuilding trust, changing the pursue-and-withdraw cycle, and restoring the partnership. We set the pace based on your relationship's current capacity.
We measure what changed. Later in our work, we repeat the questionnaires so you can both see progress. If a prescriber is involved, I can send them a summary.
What makes this approach different
Skills training alone can leave the hurt in the relationship unaddressed, and couples therapy alone can leave the day-to-day friction in place. I work on both together, so the partner with ADHD builds skills while you both rebuild trust in each other.
Weekend intensives
For couples who live outside the area, or who want focused time together, I offer weekend intensives in my Davidson office: longer sessions over a weekend, with follow-up by video for North Carolina residents. Please ask about this option if this is of interest.
Questions couples ask
Do you prescribe medication?
No. I'm a licensed clinical mental health counselor, so I don't prescribe. I work alongside your prescriber, and with your permission I'll share what we learn.
Does the partner with ADHD need a diagnosis first?
No. Many couples come in with a suspicion and no formal diagnosis. The questionnaires at the start give us a clear picture, and I can help you decide whether a formal evaluation is worth pursuing.
What if only one of us has ADHD?
This is the most common situation, and the work is designed for it. The partner without ADHD has a full role in the process, and their experience gets as much attention as their partner's.
What if we both think we might have ADHD?
This is common. We will assess each of you and shape the work around what we find.
How do individual sessions fit with couples work?
I'm open with both of you about what we cover. Anything shared in an individual session may come up in our joint work, and if I think something should, I'll talk with you about it first.
Do you take insurance?
I'm an out-of-network provider, so I don't bill insurance directly. You pay at the time of each session, and I provide a superbill you can submit to your plan for out-of-network reimbursement. Coverage for couples sessions varies, so please check with your plan before we begin.
Do you offer telehealth?
Yes. I see couples in person at my office in Davidson and by secure video anywhere in North Carolina. Many couples mix the two, meeting in person for the first sessions and by video after that.
How long does this take?
Most couples work with me for a few months. We check progress together along the way.
Serving couples in Davidson, Cornelius, Huntersville, Mooresville and the greater Lake Norman area.